The Relationship Paradigm

Myself and J have always had a very complicated relationship.

When we started dating over 5 years ago, we were just having a bit of fun. We always knew we had different long-term relationship goals, so from the early days we knew one day before too long we'd have to bite the bullet, break up and go our separate ways in search of relationships that did meet our personal long-term goals.

My long term relationship goals were always pretty simple, and pretty run of the mill – I want marriage, kids and a family etc. J on the other hand, he's done it all before and in his 50’s he wanted to enjoy the "after the kids have gone" years of his life and not be changing nappies into his 60's. So we started off knowing our situation. That’s always a good start, never go into anything completely blind.

Of course, I had just turned 24 when I met J, and I had a few years of "fooling around" to be done before I had to actually settle down and think more seriously about the long-term, so why not spend those years fooling around with him. We moved in together after a while to really get the most out of those years we would have together. Five years later, and now I’m 29. My “few years of fooling around” are coming to an end, if they haven’t already, and to think about starting a family in my early 30’s, I need to be thinking about being in the relationship in the very near future with the guy that will be my future husband and father of my children.

So I think myself and J are leaving it a bit late, don’t you think? We should have probably split a year or two ago if we wanted to make our original plan to work perfectly, but those type of decisions are very tough to make, very tough indeed.

But it doesn’t change the fact that if we broke up today, and it took me, for example, one full year to find Mr. Right, the perfect guy to spend the rest of my life with, I’d then be 30. If we were then together for 2 years before marriage entered the mix and another year before we started trying for a family, by the time the first little blogslut arrived in this world 9 months later, I would have already had my 34th birthday. A reasonable time to have your first child in this modern world, right?

But there is one issue to that – it revolves around myself and J breaking up today, or at least imminently. How do you go about that after 5 years, 5 very happy years at that? Do I just get home tonight and say, “Honey, we have to break up, so I can follow this fool-proof plan to find my perfect man and have children before I’m 35.”?

The longer we’ve stayed together, the less we’ve talked about the long-term future because it is so hard and so upsetting to stick to our original foolproof plan – at least it seemed foolproof 5 years ago anyway. How was it ever going to go wrong, he gets to have an extended fling with a sex-crazed bomb-shell 25+ years his junior, I get to spend a few years with a suave, sophisticated older gentleman who can help fulfil the submissive fantasies I’d been fighting with inside my head for years? A win-win situation, right? But the arch-nemesis of fool-proof plans reared it’s ugly head – the creature of pure evil and confusion – that crazy little thing called love!

Yes, it’s true, we fell in love.

Who fell first? Does it even matter? Of course it matters, it ruined our life-plans! We didn’t tell each other we loved each other until a year into our relationship, which is strange in itself, but we both knew it deep down, not only that we were in love with the other, but that the other loved us back. We just couldn’t say it, love wasn’t in our plans. We came close a few times, “I love... spending time with you, it’s great!” and so on. A mere few weeks into our relationship I was with my best friend talking about my new boyfriend. “I love this about him, I love that about him, I love the other about him” I was ranting. “So you love him?!” She said. “Of course not, don’t be silly, I barely know him” was my reply to that ridiculous statement of hers. But damn that bitch, she’s always right!

So I guess I fell first.

Unless you ask J the question, as he goes to great lengths telling people how he fell head over heels for me in our early chats at the bar we met in, that I worked in, before we’d even gone on our first date, when I first flashed him my... smile! Okay that’s the story for our very sensible friends. When I first flashed him my... stocking tops! Okay, that’s the real story for our not so sensible friends! Lol. Of course, typical guy confusing love and lust again! It was certainly lust for me at that point as well!

It was on our first anniversary, whilst we made love, that I cracked, with a single tear of happiness running down my cheek. My arms around his neck, my lips at his ear, I whispered to him “I love you so much.” He said it back to me with such a warm and tender smile, and as I fell asleep in his arms that night, I cried my little eyes out. I don’t think a day has gone by since where we both haven’t told the other that we love them.

But back to current day – we’ve been long overdue “the talk” for quite a while now. The talk that decides our future.

We still haven’t properly had it, I guess we’re still very nervous about it. But you know what, for years I’ve been dreading it, whereas now I know that it won’t be a bad talk at all. There’s only one question that needs to be asked... can we compromise?

We haven’t asked that specific question to each other yet, but we answered it in other words on Christmas morning of 2011.

He said, “Will you marry me?” I said “Yes!”

Some people just don’t appreciate sexy!

I don’t get a massive amount of feedback from readers of this blog, but I do get some. And I’m always happy to get more, so please feel free to e-mail me at blogslut13@yahoo.co.uk, and remember to add me to your safe-list if you want a reply and not have it caught in your spam filter. I get caught in my own spam filter, for goodness sake, so I can’t imagine how bad it is for others. Perhaps I should have thought about my e-mail address more when I set it up!

But anyway, most of the feedback I get is stockings related. People love to hear the escapades of a real-life stockings wearer. And I do try to make this blog appeal to a wider audience – I fully admit that this is, and I want it to be, a D/s blog, but by no means does that make it a bdsm blog that only people into whips and chains can enjoy. That’s not only not what this blog is about, it’s not what my life is about. It’s about the adventures of a slutty submissive girl, and stockings are a big part of that, so I’m happy to pick up a bit of the crossover audience of the stocking admirer.

I may have mentioned it before, or maybe I haven’t, but generally I have to tone the sluttiness of my clothing down for my day job, working in a respectable finance office. Over the past 12-18 months I’d been getting pulled aside occasionally and asked to dress with a little more... well, just dress a little more!

I noticed a pattern to my “tellings off”, they’d generally happen if:-

a) we had fairly important visitors to the office, of either the internal or external variety. A couple of the nicer guys in the office – the confessed admirers of my version of office-wear – usually give me advance warning if they know of any of these occasions now to avoid seeing me get dragged into an office and being told to dress more appropriately. As all in all, they like it when I dress inappropriately!

b) if I dress too sluttily for an extended period of time. Dressing reasonably for 3-4 days a week, and saving the real slutiness as a treat for the other day or two of that week seems to be fine. Showing a bit too much for 7 or 8 days in a row gets me into trouble.

And c) Seamed stockings. This one sounds a bit strange, as why would seamed stockings be any sluttier than any other kind of stockings, or any other item of clothing for that matter? But I think the powers that be think they add a bit of unnecessary distraction. Probably true - non seamed stockings probably have a bit of "is she or isn't she" factor to them, whereas with seams it's almost certainly a "yes she is". I don't know why anybody who's known me for more than a few weeks has to ask the question though, it's always a "yes she is" lol. But anyway, I’ve found that if I wear them several times in a short period of time, in particular with skirts that are a few inches+ above the knee in length, I tend to get the "inapproriately dressed" reprimand, so I’ve had to learn to wear them more sporadically.

I don't think the bosses know the lengths I go to for them though. Most of the time I get my clothing chosen for me by J, and I have to partake in various forfeits if I want to make changes to his selection. The things I have to do to convince J to let me wear a skirt that's an inch or two longer, to switch those seamed stockings for a non-seamed pair, to upgrade from an outfit consisting of just two items up to an outfit consisting of three items, or even to let me put a bra on underneath an almost sheer blouse... they are things a respectable lady shouldn't have to do!! Lol. Luckily, I’m no respectable lady! To be fair, J is reasonable and takes things into consideration, but he also likes to have fun with it, I guess we both like to have fun with it really.

Of course, my day job isn’t my only job, so I think the scales of sluttiness get evened out in the grander scheme of things. As the sluttiness of my attire at my office job has dipped a bit, the sluttiness of my attire for my evening/weekend bar job has seemingly increased, as I guess it has even for my weekend college day attire, or just my general non-work clothing.

You win some, you lose some!